I didn't think I had anything to write about today...but I'm finding that may not be true. I just read through several blogs of close friends of mine and it seemed they all had a general theme: GOD. This is not surprising to me, since the reason I am so close to these three beautiful women is through our church. It honestly took a lot for me just to type "our" church. By typing it, however, I feel as though I'm recommitting. As many of you know, I grew up in church. We went to church every Sunday, and Wednesdays too...for Lent, Advent, choir practices, etc. I was in choirs, I was best friends with the pastor's kids, I led and participated in Pioneers for years...I practically lived at church. It was all I knew. In high school, I was introduced to a completely new experience. I was invited to a church unlike one I had ever experienced. These people were loud, bubbly, PASSIONATE. That was, and still is, the biggest draw for me. At the church where I grew up, I never saw that outward passion for Christ. I know it was there, at least in some (my parents included), but I never saw it outwardly the way I did at the new church. Here, it was
encouraged to sing until you were hoarse, clap until your palms were raw, to hug and cry and FEEL. This was a church after my own heart. <3 I loved going every week. I became more and more involved, and deeper into the core of the church. I sang on stage, I went on retreats, I volunteered in the kidzone. I was completely and fully devoted to the mission of my church. I became a new person. When Destin and I "re-met", I was FULL of passion for Christ. I specifically remember talking nonstop through that first date about my church that I loved so much. I couldn't wait to bring him with me to a youth group event and to a Sunday morning service. I was head over heels in love... with my church, my friends, my GOD. And it was a GREAT feeling.
However, just like in any relationship, there were some rough patches. My entire life took an unexpected turn and I found myself in a dark place. I pulled away. My friends didn't know me anymore...and I was no longer the same passionate person. I pulled away even farther. I convinced myself that it was "The Church"'s fault, it was God's fault, it was my friends' fault. Anyone but mine. I was just living my life, an innocent victim to all that was happening to me. I fought with everyone I cared about. I was hurtling uncontrollably down this rocky path. I blamed my Church and eventually, we "broke up". I stopped all of it. I pulled into myself and convinced my heart and my mind that I was still a believer, but that I didn't need to go to church
every week. I tried a few other churches, unsuccessfully. There was something missing in all of them. I knew that this empty void could only be filled with one thing. GOD. I needed him back in my life, but I wasn't sure how. I tried reading my Bible, but found that it frustrated me. I wasn't feeling anything anymore. I didn't feel inspired or passionate. Just annoyed. Annoyed that HE had turned His back on ME when I needed Him most.
So, in typical Lauren fashion, I decided to do something about it. No more playing the victim. I would show that Church that I was happy without it. I would even show God that I was just fine on my own.... so I went back to that Church. I was making a statement. I would hold my head high and show the Church that I was doing fine on my own.
But when I got there...I broke down. I apologized. I cried. Sobbed, rather. Because guess what? I missed it. I was shocked to discover this, but I missed being intertwined in the very being of the Church. These people, though they have changed, are my community. My inspiration. They make me strive to be the best person I can be. They inspire me to live boldly, live passionately and live for GOD. wow.
I am not perfect. Far, FAR from it actually. I am not even GOOD. There are things in my life that I am not proud of. There are deep stirrings within me that I would not admit to anyone. But I am beginning to fill that void that has been so vacant for so long. I want to be the
best mother, daughter, friend, and wife that I can be. But I cannot do it alone. That's what we talked about today. I am not a good person. I know this. But GOD is GREAT!!! I can do this, through HIM who gives me strength. and THAT is a good feeling. :-D
He apparently enjoyed it :-)
It feels so good to be able to take a deep breath and say that I am almost DONE with this semester. After these finals are over, the rest of my college courses will be a breeze. Starting in January, I'll be student teaching, and then only a few more classes (one semester) until graduation! I can NOT wait. Oh boy. I just finished my HUGE science project, complete with 8 page reflection. I only have two more quick entries in my science journals to complete and then im done with that too. *sigh* it's been a long week, but it's almost over. I am so looking forward to relaxing next week....even to having a houseful of people on Thanksgiving *smile*
Milo looooves Deric's kitty Lexi (whom we "adopted" when we moved in). The first thing Milo does when we get home every night, and when he wakes up every morning, is walk around the house calling "Dex, dex?" It's ridiculously cute and almost worth the millions of sneezes that kitty has caused :-P (mine, not his)
I stalked the two of them for awhile as they torn apart a box full of packing peanuts. :-x Lexi likes to play "fetch" and milo loves to throw, so its a nice relationship for them both.
The "ball basket" is a staple of our living room. As mentioned before, Milo LOVES to throw. To encourage this habit, and discourage throwing other things (such as Little People, Peek-a-blocks, mommy's camera *smile*...) we collected all of his balls in a basket. His favorite thing to do is empty the ENTIRE basket on the flooor. oh, boy. I love you. :-) 
my, what blue eyes you have....
Mount Shoe.
Yay. No more digging around on my hands and knees at 7am to find my missing brown pump. :)
I love this kid. :)
This makes my heart happy :)
Watching The Incredible Hulk. Who knew you could take pictures of a movie?? huh. 
My happy feet last night. Tonight, they're tired and sore :(
My project for the evening (NO idea why this is underlined...help??) was to decorate our entertainment center. I'm pleased with the results :-)
Jumpy the Bunny-dog. That is his official name, according to our 4 year old nephew. Milo carries the "da" (dog) around with him now, which is the cutest thing ever. :)
My Little Bubby. Sleeping in exactly the same position as his momma.
